Thoughts

 
     
 

Fellowship of the Unashamed

 
     
 

 

 
     
 

 

 

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This is My Story

 

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My name is Adam Lambert. I want to tell you a story about my life in hopes it will draw you to know the peace I have found in Jesus.

I was raised in a household where alcohol was always present. I did not have a "NORMAL" childhood. I spent most of my childhood hiding from my feelings through drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence. And yes you can hide in fights and such as it is a way to vent some of your pain.

My first memory as a child is of a tree falling on the house. It was blown down by Hurricane Camille. This is kind of prophetic of the way my life was to go for many years to come.

The first thing I remember of my Parents as a child is of my Dad throwing my Mom across the room into a bookshelf he had built. This abuse went on quite often until I was 12. My mom would scream for my older brother to help her, but as he was only 2 years older than me, he could do nothing. When I was 8 years old I had enough of the abuse and tried to stop my Dad from beating my Mom. I ran up to him and started to hit him. He picked me up by the hair of my head and threw me on the couch. I remember sitting on the couch in the living room in tears, because I knew my Mom was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it.

My Dad spent allot of time telling me and my brothers that we were worthless and would amount to nothing, I took it as the truth and had a very low self esteem of myself because of it.

I started smoking cigarette's when I was 7 years old. I took my first drink of beer when I was 8. I got into pornography at the age of 8-9 (I do not remember for sure). I started smoking pot at the age of 11 and was a pill freak at the age of 12. For those of you who do not know what a pill freak is, it is a person that will take any pill you lay in front of him and then ask you what they just took. I got very drunk for the first time at the age of 12. My mom and dad divorced shortly after this event.

I was very active in sports such as baseball and football, football being my favorite as I could vent my frustrations on the field and not get into trouble for it. I got really good at these because it was the one thing I did that my dad took notice. I wanted for him to love me and show me his attention more than life itself. I could get this from him through Football and baseball.


I had an ugly duckling life. I spent the first 9 years of school being picked on by all the other kids because I was different from them. They called me all sorts of names. I went through this time virtually alone as I had no one to run to except one uncle who, when home, would protect us and show us the love we longed for. His name was Bill. The summer between my 9th and 10th grade years I had a lady redo my hairstyle and allot of the kids started doing the drugs and alcohol scene like I was. This changed their opinion of me or seemed to. I was now, sort of, popular with the ladies, but because of all the things in my past I did not trust anyone. I was not capable of having a real relationship with anyone because of the way I was abused by the kids and my Dad.

By the time I was 15, I was smoking about an ounce of pot each week. I would take a fifth of Jack Daniels in one hand and a gooseneck Budweiser in the other and start drinking. When the beer was gone so was the whiskey. I do not remember most of my sophomore year of high school because I was always high or drunk.

I started dating a girl when I was 16. When I turned 17 she was pregnant. We got married half way through my senior year of high school. We divorced 4 years later due to infidelity on both our parts.

I joined the Army to see the world and to be like my older brother. I requested to be sent to West Germany. In the Army I had to quit the drugs due to the drug tests we had to go through. I could still drink though and I did ALLOT of it. By the time I left West Germany 3 and 1/2 years later, I could drink a half-gallon of liquor and still get up and walk. I drove home in that shape many times.

I have been married a total of 5 times and I have 7 children from these marriages. I was very abusive in three of these relationships as all I knew how to do was to use people to get what I wanted. I abused these women verbally all the time. The second and third I abused physically and the third I abused sexually. The second and third divorces took place because of the abuse as well as infidelity. No one in these relationships had any idea of what a real family was suppose to be. My second wife was raised in a house where monogamy was not practiced and her dad sexually abused her for 14 years. My third wife was sexually and physically abused by her ex-husband beyond anything most people want to imagine let alone hear about.

I have, to date, done every drug known to man except anything that goes in a needle. I was strung out on crack for 2 years while married to my third wife. One Saturday I found us with no money and no food for our 10-month-old child. There was a church that met in the clubhouse off the apartment complex where I lived. I went down there at 12 noon to see about getting some money from them. They had not gotten out of Church yet. I went back at 1 o'clock and they were still in there having church. I went back at 2 o'clock and they were still in there. I was starting to get a little frustrated. There was a group of people coming out of the church and I asked them where the pastor was. I was told the pastor was in the church. The lady then asked me what I wanted and I told her the situation. She handed me $5.00 and invited me inside. I was dressed in a pair of shorts that was entirely to short and a muscle shirt that had sexually explicit pictures all over it. I told her I would not enter a church the way I was dressed. She told me they did not care how I looked and to come in anyway. This got my attention as I was under the belief that you did not go to church without your Sunday best on. I went in and sat there through 4 hours of preaching with my now ex wife and son. At the end of it another lady got up and asked us to come to the front of the church, as she wanted to pray for us. She prayed over us in tongues and then they took up a collection for us. They gave us $30 to get some food with. When we got back to the apartment my ex-wife started cussing and it offended me. Now I stopped and had to take a look at this as I had one of the foulest mouths there were. I asked her to not say that because it offended me. It was at this time I realized there had been a change in me. While the lady prayed over us I was delivered from all the drug addiction and alcoholism. I was delivered from the extreme temper that I had. And most of all I was delivered from the pain in my heart.

I realized that for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be loved and to love someone. I had fallen in love with Jesus. I got on my knees and started praying for the lord to teach me about him, as my ex wife left the next day and moved away, I had no one there to teach me. The Lord held up his promise in his word that he would send the Holy Spirit to be my teacher. I was taught through several preachers on TBN and through a lot of time studying the word of God, which is the Holy Bible, and through a lot of prayer. There where men and women of God sent to me at different times to help me but the Lord never allowed any of them to stay around me for extended periods of time as he wanted to teach me himself and for me to be dependant on him. This was ok with me, as I did not trust people.

2 months later I was invited to join a homeless ministry in Houston and began to minister to the men on the street. All I knew was Jesus saves and that He delivers. I stayed with this for about 4 months before I moved back to Mississippi. Once back here I looked for someone to talk with me and to help guide me but all I found was the judgment of my past. I longed for 6.5 years for someone to help me see the things I missed. About a year after I got back to Mississippi I met my 4th wife via the internet. I wanted so much for someone to love me and to know I was ok that I would do anything to accomplish this. I moved to Pontotoc to marry her. This turned out to be a major mistake since she was diagnosed with clinical depression and once she gave birth to our son decided to leave. The doctors said it was due to the depression but even though she may get over the depression she may never change her mind as to the divorce. She was part of the Church of God of Prophecy and in their belief we where living in sin, even though we were married, because I had been married before. She used this as her excuse to leave.

I began to realize there was something wrong with me at this point because I could not seem to live inside a family relationship. I had changed churches approximately 11 times at this point and no one ever took the time to guide me or counsel me.

About 4 months after my 4th ex left I met another lady online and we married. It was during this period I figured out the real problem. I had another addiction I never realized. This one was to sex. Just as many men in our churches today are hooked on pornography I was hooked on sex to include pornography because in me somewhere I thought if these women would sleep with me I must be ok, when the reality was we where all very sick.

Twyla and I married and she moved here to Mississippi with me. We had what, seemed to me and everyone around me, a very good relationship. I am not saying it was perfect because it was not, however we enjoyed each otherís company very much and loved being around each other. The main problem with this marriage was 2 things. I was still learning (slowly) to exist in a family and she allowed her mother to get involved in our marriage. I came home from work one day to find my house empty. I was devastated and everyone that knew us was shocked. To this day I do not know for sure why she left only that she is gone and I have a daughter in Indiana that I have never met.

Shortly after Twyla left I left the Church of God of Anderson due to a disagreement with my pastor. I started attending the Tupelo Church of the Nazarene. After being there a few months my older brother suggested I attend college. I looked into it and discovered with some help from my dad I could and moved to Jackson where I started attending Day Spring Community Church. At Day Spring I met people like Bryan and Ray Easley who did not judge me from my past but accepted me because of it and my walk with Jesus. I had NEVER had anyone love me so unconditionally before. I began to attend Bryanís small group and got to be very close to Bryan and Leslie (Bryanís wife) Through this couple I began to truly see the family life walked out in front of me and then I was truly blessed to be able to see Bryan and his dad (Ray Easley) interacting and the loving way they have with each other and I got to see a real ďFatherĒ in action as well as a son who knows how to love his dad. Also, during this time Bryan began to share much of the word with me and started teaching me new ways to study the Bible. I got to sit under the teachings of Matt Friedeman and hear the word taught in truth with no backing up to it. And I got to see it walked out in front of me. I began to grow and to see the errors I was still living and began to change them.
As with anyone who has lived a sin filled life, the day I got saved was a wondrous day and one I will always cherish, but my salvation did not make me perfect just as Paulís salvation did not make him perfect as evident in Romans chapters 7 and 8. Paul wrestled with his flesh for many years before he over came it just as all of us do today.

In allot of ways I am truly glad I had no one to lean on during those early years because it began to teach me to be dependant on God and not man as I had been all my life. Are there days where I get lonely? Yes. Are there days where I long for my wife and children to return? Yes. Do I chase women to make me feel better about me? No, Because I know this is not the answer thanks to a couple of men who where not afraid to be real with me and allow me to make my mistakes. Jesus is my Lord and savior as well as my strength in all I do. 


                            
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